revised friday show...

SHOW FOR FEBUARY THE 25TH











ONE



Quite often, when I am walking Ruby Dog, she will sniff some babes crotch. '

They just coo and pet her and laugh.

Yet . . . when I politely ask, "Do you mind if I have a sniff?" They act like I am an axe murderer.

Humans. I will never understand them.





TWO



ADVICE TO POTENTIAL SERIAL KILLERS







If you are a child who loves torturing hamsters, let me just say that while fun and fullfilling in weird ways usually not sated in this 'Law Infested' society, this is not geek behavior, as one of my ill-begotten readers wrote in. This is 'young serial killer in the makings logic' , or good training for living through the cruelty of doing scientific research on animals. I say go with the science choice, because while this one gets you laid a lot less, at least the people are alive



THREE



MORE ADVICE FOR BUDDING SERIAL KILLERS



If you tortured small animals when you were young, or keep the parts of dead people around, like to hang out at old crime scenes, etc… or even if this is just something you’ve been fantasizing about for years, just waiting for the right combination of bitching cops and wives and whisky to send you out hunting humans (as one vet said before going into a McDonalds and killing a nameless line of folk staring up blankly up at the menu), then watch this site for updates. Sooner or later, someone is going to pass through your state when you are in the mood, or you’re going to think in terms of fame and how much your money your family will make selling the TV rights? I frankly don’t know what really makes you tick. No one does. You are alone in this world. And, quite frankly, most people are against you. Remember, in war killing a death is a win! And even if the war is only in your head when you are off your meds, there is no use making your name a curse (especially if you have little ones back there somewhere in those half forgotten years), when you can do society a favor before blowing your brains off into eternity. As for you Religious Psycho Killers, I shouldn’t even have to tell you that the big guy will take you killing a couple pedophile priests more kindly than mowing down those screaming toddlers at that daycare center down the street. Really, you should know this. Pray on it.



Should you not be of the killing kind, please feel free to add names so that those among us seething with uncontrollable, un-medicated rage don’t kill as many of us normal people. If this web site saves even one life, my efforts will be worth it.



FOUR







INSPIRED BY L. RON BOTS



In the grand tradition of marginal writers in america, land of the oxymoron 'religious freedom' , I have decided that if people are so easily deluded, the best way to get them to act morally, may just be to trick them.

I hate to say it. I hate to think it. I so hate to admit it. But honest discourse is dead. Those who can be reasoned with are not enough of a block of people to get anything done in this world. You need to pander to this and that, or just go off and do your own thing and trick people into believing elaborate lies. A lot of people are ready for such lies, out there searching for FOUR, CONT…







something to replace the feelings that the first religion they ever fell in love with used to give them.

Sadly, we live in an age when the culture is so shattered down into tiny little, delusionarily fueled microcosms that the most unseemly behavior becomes 'sacred' in the minds of the mad.

All of the writing in here is geared toward that moment, of course, when you find yourself swept into a cult... From here, I will rise out of obscurity and start my religious-psycho-killers-cult. Like I wrote before, don't worry if this doesn't make sense to you yet, just keep reading this brain wash, and everything will be very clear to you before your mission.





FIVE







Another tenant of my cult?












Only bitch to me if you really feel that you have done something that requires me to smack you.


I think this is what friends do, the pain and surprise knock the person out of their whine ass mood and the people seem to wake up from being so throughly life whipped. A little fire starts in their chest, and so what if it is anger?


M. doesn't let me smack people much, anymore... told me, "I don't care how much fun this was when you were a cab driver. You smack someone at that coffee shop who starts whining and I will.... it embarrasses the hell out of me. Don't forget, I actually have to live in the same neighborhood with these people."


"Well, I do to, and why . . . "
"No, no, you don't. You live in some mountain in your head, back in a cave with a kitty bum and a ruby dog."

I start whining and people smack me, I smile and try to buck up. Why not? There is one life here. Just one. And I feel better when I am not whining.











SIX







MORE SHIT THAT NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO SAY:







Do not have sex with animals.



This is A CAPITAL OFFENSE IN THE NEW NATION OF PAINTOPIA: do what you want with your genitals, but leave the animals alone...

Many years ago, I read an article in some biker magazine about how to have sex with various farm animals. It was like... too serious, you know?



This writer of this garbage probably asked around in biker circles to research his article. I can see the half drunk, prison schooled dude listening to his crazed biker buddies who grew up criminals on a farm, and finding out all these sad truths.



People are always doing this to dogs, too. We are talking 'read into psycho killers and they have this in common, too', shit... I would strangle someone for this with a grim smile on my face







SEVEN



REPORT FROM THE GENERAL OF THE MIGHTY HAMSTER ARMY OF SOCIALIST DEMOCRATIC COMMUNISTS, BY FIVE STAR GENERAL SNIGGLY-POO







After much debate, our shadow government has decided that a genocide is happening in Sudan. This requires me, as head of the Mighty Hamster Army, to act, under hamsters rights provision 567.004.

The American government is staying away from this word 'genocide' because the UN requires them to stop genocides. They are so arrogant and misguided that they have hired hundreds of lawyers to spread lies about what this word 'genocide' means.

The Bush administration, in its own particularly frat boy manner, is trying to get the word changed from 'genocide' to 'whiteacide,' and they refuse to act until this double speak is accepted. Not me, I have had dear lovers and friends of every color on this planet, and my politics are much more in line with a 'black agenda' than the usual white hamster middle class sell outs.

So ... I am sending in my troops to stop the arabs from killing the blacks. Everyone who doesn't use their armies to stop this human travesty that is shattering the lives of millions, sucks worse than a hamster. Ha!!!!

In fact, I even have this radical notion that soldiers should have a say in whether or not they want to fight for this or that good... not the politicians. ... with the exception of our god, Johnny Pain, who would feed me to the cat if I said otherwise.... I imagine a lot of hero's would show up if some avenue was available for them to join a force of mercenaries bent on killing for peace.

This same army could rescue slaves around the planet, hunt down pirates, and beat up people who have slighted me in even the most petty of way.

The hamsters will be arriving in africa soon after Johnny Pain figures out how to get the paper airplanes aloft. A lot of brave hamsters test pilots have already died to make that moment happen, and in their name we will carry on with our aerodynamic experiments, despite all naysayers and interference from intelligence agents....

So, to you Sudanese who will forever hate america for letting you be slaughtered, let me just apologize again for the asshead humans.















EIGHT



HAMSTER ARMY GENERAL SNIGGLY POO CHANGES HIS NAME TO FLUFFY ONE WHO KILLS.







Sources close to the Pantopia Empire are said to be worried about the rising power of one of their herioc, charasmatic leaders. The General formerly known as Sniggly-Poo has run afoal of the government before by making radical statements like, "Soldiers should be able to decide where to fight." Now he is defying God himself by changing his name, a move that the government is afraid could spread to other hamsters, and cause them to lose their cover stories of being slavishly loving and controllable.

A source close to Pain is quoted as saying, "If that hamster gets in the way of Johnny's plan, the dog will be happy, that's all I can say."

Ruby dog and the kitty bum have been promised a special treat today, but still no word if this is related to the possibly treasonous behavior of Generaol Fluffy One Who Kills, or merely a can of tuna.















NINE







WHAT TO DO IF A WOMBAT MOVES IN NEXT TO YOU




A wombat is covered with coarse grey or brown fur, with a large head. Let one get behind you, and you are dead.

If a wombat tries to move in next to you...


Keep your eye on those wombats all day, take copious notes of their dastardly deeds (you might need them at your trial). Then that first night, get out the dynamite and blasting caps and blow those pouched marauders into marsupial mush.

Trust me, you let a wombat move into the neighborhood, and soon enough they will start a a small militia -- just a bunch of marsupials playing with guns, they'll tell the media... and next you know, the wombats have armed check points at the entrance to your city and you are denied entry. You will be deemed what these whisker whips call 'an undesirable,' along with all humans and any animals known to be 'fraternizing with the enemy.' I mean, if history has taught us anything, it has taught us this!!!!