Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign!

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL THE WRITINGS OF JOHN SCOTT RIDGWAY... YOU CAN EASILY GET PERMISSION FOR A NON COMMERCIAL REPRINT BY CONTACTING MY EMAIL.

FUCK THOSE TREES!!! BUY MY BOOKS!!!

FUCK THOSE TREES!!!! BUY MY BOOKS!!


I mean, who doesn't hate trees, what with their getting to be so fucking tall and living to be a thousand, not to mention that they get to have squirrels live in them. How could we not be resentful of these sneering behemoths?

YOU KNOW THEY DESPISE US. Their name for us roughly translates to 'the ones who are so stupid that the damned squirrels won't even live in them and they are fucking nuts.' I know people like to say, the tree huggers at least, that this is partially because they see our lives like we would view a movie being played like five speeds faster than normal, which makes us look all slapstickish -- not that this is any excuse for their smug elitism...

They are a drag on the entire ecosystem, these bastards. And don't even get me started on how they take the whole winter off!! I wish all to hell that I could take the winter off and just sleep, but no..... Those lazy fucking plants!!

Help me kill them!

Buy my book, and get a free 100% tree bark T shirt reading: 'OH, FUCK THE RAINFOREST.' *


* T-SHIRTS subject to availability and I HAVE none IN STOCK and never will.

sticking straws in cow shit and snorting the gas???

Let me just add this tidbit to the general malaise of your existence ... this one about the growing popularity of catching a buzz off the Methane gases released from shit. Yes, they stick straws in steaming piles and sniff away. I would think is the kind of thing you would want to stay away from? Hey but what would I do if I lived in a country where I am denied the constitutionally mandated 'pursuit of happiness' that is at the base of hemp addiction . . . and always, as a write, in the back of my mind, the honest one forces me to add... but what do I know?

Certainly, I do not know shit. Not like these guys at least. I mean, I may have tried this while walking Ruby a couple times when I was out of weed... you know, those desperate times when every bit of paraphenila in the house gets scraped for resins.... but probably not.

On this same topic, in Singapore they cut the heads off of pot smokers and suppliers. As a result, no one smokes... sadly enough, this leads to a huge problem with glue sniffing, which is about a million times more damaging than pot to your brain. Way TO GO JOHNNY LAW, SHOOT THEM SUICIDES DOWN DEAD BEFORE THEY CAN DO A MORTAL SIN....

Getting high is your right. Fuck em' if they don't get it. Fight The Mower. And all that protest jargon that is meant to stir up.

Anyways, April Second IS DEALER'S DAY, as everyone knows... tradition has it, here in the states, that on this day we all buy gifts for our dealers, or at least give them a card with a few extra bucks. Flowers are nice, but not required (as long as the payment given is double the price of two dozen roses, which varies from state to state here, so you will want to check before giving this out because you can damn well bet your dealer knows and if you low ball you will get the shakiest dam bags... lots of seeds. Stems... oh, dog, you do not want to see the kind of low grade buddage you can get for dissing a dealer).

I HATE STEMS AND SEEDS SO FUCKING MUCH.

Oh seed and stems!!
How I hate thee!!
Making my bag
All weighty!!!
With unsmokable
Wasty!!!

I seem to have digressed into Poetry? I am sitting here writing with my mouth full of toothpaste, the entire time I put together the above... because I had some thought while brushing my teeth, walked out to the computer to jot it down and ended up just staying until now... bet you feel like this paragraph has enriched your life, eh? Ha!! Made you waste a few seconds of your life!!!

AM I PROUD TO BE A FUCKING OUTLAW IN RUSSIA?

No... just, as always, disappointed in your species.

Russia just banned saying anything offensive about religion.


they closed infinite gates in their minds
slipped back down the ladder

Add that to all the places on the planet where speaking your mind will make the STUPID IGNORANT ONES come after the EDUCATED... THEY KILL THE EDUCATED FIRST BECAUSE THEY ARE MOST DANGEROUS TO THE STATUS QUOGuess that makes me a fucking outlaw in Russia, huh? Strange when ones own morality makes one an outlaw. I think it should be the opposite.

===Ever wonder why I can always get up a good frothy face over religion? Read on...

========The next paragraph is a newsreport from one of my favorite blogs...

=============After the recent Muslim caricature controversy, Russian media organisations have been ordered not to publish anything that could be construed as offensive to any religion or risk losing their licences.

=================How long before they decide on one religion, or one wins whatever war... and they legislate up a whole new human being, a halfing deformed bastard culture? That would be so cool. In comics. Real life situations like that tend to suck very, very badly. Expecially when another Jim Jones takes over.

HAVE A DAY WHERE

everything you hold dear and sacred is drawn into debasing cartoons, insulting not only you, but everyone you know right down to their bones. . . wonder what it would be like if you had a real enemy to throw a bomb at, and not just another man masquerading as a soldier?

MORE GOAT FUCKING ADVICE

Like great, great old uncle Smigwhilliple used to say, in his ancient, wheezy thin voice,"Better get ya' a' fuckin' them goats, you know, because when you are too old to get a woody, like me, oh then, well then, you'll miss the feel of that goat."

This kind of has become our family motto since then. I for one have the entire sentence tattooed on my penis in like two inch letters.


Sometimes, Uncle Smigwhilliple would sit staring out the windows for all the long hours between lunch and dinner , just a watching the goats out in the field with a slight gleam in his eye. Mom used to tell the neighbors who stopped by and saw him, "He's a thinkin' goats, that one is."

This paragraph has nothing at all to do with what I am really writing about, which is the eternal, sublime, almost grotesque sex of the mighty she goat. Does this fact make you think you are wasting your time allowing these words to leap off the screen through your eyes and into your skulls squishy grey filling? Just wondered how that worked... uh, sorry.


Carry on, now... nothing here to see, please move on. Don't fucking force me to remove you from this entry. I have to come over there and make you get your ass away from this entry you are going to regret it. In fact, should this happen, I will eat all your goats. And not the way youse do either, you syphliss drippings!!!!!!