how i responded to a blog asking the burning question: How Do You Get To Heaven?

I haven't baited any Christians in a long time, since they stopped coming to my sight all together or were converted to my sane, humanistic manner of thinking (praise Satan!!).
Today, I wandered over to write something in a forum I started, a theme or something, in the help forum, about what a blog is... I want to write more about this, maybe even give some talks, or even write a grant proposal to grab a few bucks for my efforts here (my friend Jason Pettus was awarded the first Chicago area grant for blogging, opening the way for the rest of us unknown wordsmiths to get a little weed money or hamsters or munchies or whatever the hell.


After writing my bit about blogs in the forum, which I hope will generate some discussion from all the excellent writers who are always clogging up the steps to this Elves Attic and taking a wordy piss on my site (I reluctantly admit that, like my Husky, I love a good whiff--so much can be learned...).

When I told M that I was going to leave an entry on a blog that asked the question:
HOW DO YOU GET TO HEAVEN?

She groaningly muttered from behind her book, ?Ohhh, Scott, you are just like Satan... I'm sure that you are writing something evil."

"Well, yea... I was kind to them, though. I didn't bring up the whole thing I want to do with the coliseums and the lions. I am telling you, in the weeks after I take power, I will throw celebrations where the people can actually see Christians thrown to the lions. This way, they will love me no matter how brutal I have to be while consolidating my power. I don't expect there to be a wombat alive when this is over, though the zoos will be less for it. This worked for the Roman Tyrants, and by god that is good enough for me."
"The Romans killed wombats?"
"Who wouldn't?"
"The Romans were not in Australia. You didn't write any of that?"
"No,no... I told you, my new strategy is to trick Christians into thinking I am tolerant, to get them to let their guards down, and then I am going to slowly deprogram them, by showing bits and bigger bits of the truths of the world. I know they can't handle much at a time without being scared off, so..."
"Okay, okay.... it's been a long weekend. I need a nap."
"Wait, I have to tell you the best part. I then went on to read the comments from other people, and they were all like, 'Oh, come on, get over this god infestation! Think, man, think!!' Reading one after another of these good minds telling the christo's to stop acting like asses, basically reminding them that they have been looking silly for hundreds of years and do more so every damn day, with each and every step we take closer to the truths of the universe...."
"Yes?"

"Well, it made me damn proud to be an American." For some reason, as I teared up and felt at one with all my non god fearing bro's and sis's, she just laughed and laughed....

ENOUGH REALITY BLOGGING:

here is how I responded to question of how I was going to attain an infinite life of luxury by following a bunch of silly rules?



Oh, come on, there isn't any heaven. Next thing you'll be saying the kids get streets of gold if they go off and die in combat with the Muslims.... no, wait, you fools already do say that.

I think your belief in god is a mask for your hatred of life, and your own impulses toward mammalian behavior, but what do I know... science is all, and you christo's are trying to throw that out too. What an exciting time to get brain washed for bush.... and I don't mean like adolescent boys get, either....

Have a wonderful day, really.... nothing personal. I am usually kind to those infected with mental viruses like this. Really.

The founder of Burn Your Bible Day, May 29th, John Pain

DISCLAIMER FROM THE SMALL PART OF MY MIND CLINGING TO CRUMBS OF SANITY AND DECORUM:

Hey, duder's, if religion is the only opiate you can afford or handle (snicker, snicker), than who am I to judge? Really. I have nothing against people who have contracted the religious virus due to an infected childhood domicile.

Like the t shirt's I will soon be making read:

HEY, I DON'T HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE INFLICTED WITH THE DISEASE OF RELIGION. I'M NOT A MONSTER...AT LEAST NOT THAT KIND. NO, I MERELY HATE THE DISEASE!!!