I was out letting Ruby kill squirrels today. We are up to fifty three and a half (one was pretty badly wounded, but managed to scramble up a tree with just two and a half legs). For the sake of all that you consider Holy or funny, do not tell M. about this. She already suspects something is up because of the blood she keeps finding on Ruby's snout. I have her convinced that ruby has a secret stash of Strawberry Jelly; which I make all the more believable by hiding some jam that I put on her lips occasionally, when the stench of squirrel entrails and all the other disgusting shit she swallows down with glee becomes a bit much. I mean, Husky's have no breath, so I have to be pretty careful about this.
I am of course trying to film all of our kills. In the footage, I do a lot of close ups so the squirrels look huge and do voice overs like for a badly dubbed Godzilla import from b-movie japan, "Oh.... no.... professor, they giant squirrels lose now. Run must we from mighty hairy one with teeth of doom cheese.'
When she rips up the squirrels, their intestines remind me of Harpo Marx's hairdo. Don't try to make people laugh by wearing them as a wig though, because society just ain't ready for those kind of sophisticated laughs, or so my experiments down by the lake on other dog walkers and alarmed passers by seem to indicate.
I am usually against killing animals, but since it makes the pup so happy and watching the videos makes me laugh.... well, it's Like John Lennon said, 'Whatever gets you through the night.' A lot of people don't know he was referring to Squirrel Killing with these lyrics, but you know me, I miss nothing....
Ruby is still ignoring my orders to kill humans, though I think this squirrel slaughter has been a step in the right directions. I'm thinking, once I get her ready to kill, that I am going to go to Bahrain and take out Massah Jack-OFF=Your Son. Or maybe I'll just go after the weak and sick around here? There a couple retirement centers that would make this oh so easy.... I have notes.
Hard to tell what I'll do? The parole officers and doctors are better at predicting that stuff than me, so I leave it to them.
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