EVERYONE HAS AN ADVOCACY GROUP... EXCEPT SERIAL KILLERS.

Why? The same old prejudices in a new guise. Jews, blacks, that guy who played in those Earnest movies -- they were all demonized at one time. And of course with some they still are. Let us always throw our sacred rocks at their heads... but regardless, I am going to have to sooner or later take on a charity cause that isn't entirely fradulent to boost my reputation in literary circle jerks, so I have decided to start advocating for an unseen minority. Serial Killers.

We will be operating from the premises that these things are set in stone pretty young, so there will be a youth group, kind of like cub scouts on pcp with machine guns, who will further help swell our ranks, and help serial killers finally come out of closet and live among us. Sure, the various neighborhoods they live in will be forced to draw lots to see who is sacrificed that day, or week, or whatever kill pattern the serial 'client' is accustomed to. ... BUT They pay taxes and vote, remember? This means they govern this planet already, if you think about it.

There will eventually be a credit union, small business loans, emergency funds and perhaps on holidays we'll pass out rape kits to the needy or whatever...

Not that I am a serial killer, nor do I advocate killing -- it's just business, okay? You understand that, right? Fucking americans.

You can join our group either as Serial Killer, or a Friend of Serial Killers. I'm pretty sure that Brett Easton Ellis has already promised to put up a hundred thousand dollars for a fund to support serial killers family during that crucial period between the arrest and the book deals. Won't you help, too?

I mean, you love watching Law and Order and Cops and American Justice and Sesame Street and all these other shows that you simply would not have without Serial Killers, but do you ever think about the people whose sacrifice made your life so entertaining? No... no.... probably not. Takes a special soul like mine to work through my prejudices about serial killers and decide to let them send me money to join the union.

Twenty bucks will get you in the union -- oh, when you get in on this, you'll feel so good, like having a fresh, tasty corpse in the trunk. No shit, straight up... no hamsters from you serial killers though, becauser they always have a few bites out of them.



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