JESUS TELLS EMBARRASSED HUMANITY:"MY BIRTHDAY IS IN FEBUARY."

An obviously pissed off deity called a press conference today and announced that his birthday has been celebrated on the wrong day since a mere two years after his death.

"Two years! Those fucking self absorbed apostles! Fish, fish, fish... it's all they can think about... and I mean fish metaphorically, you damned fundamentalists, like as in women... as well as real fish, because that is mostly what they think about. . . to this day!"

The actually fuming deity then screamed in a voice that melted the first row of reporters on the scene, "They couldn't remember my birthday when I was alive without all kinds of hints. Now, you have these parties year after year, and I stand around all embarrassed thinking you'll figure it out sooner or later -- and if I hear my dad say 'humans' aren't perfect,' one more time I am moving in with Satan."

Evil laughter was heard over the world for a full thirty seconds before all calenders and memories were adjusted by the heavenly father to correspond with Jesus real birthday.

A spokesman for the bearded deity told reporters, "He's taken a tub, drinking his usual barrels of wine. He asked me to read this statement:"I am 'just trying to forgive, for like the billionth billion time."



THOU SHALT NOT STEAL THE WRITINGS OF JOHN SCOTT RIDGWAY... YOU CAN EASILY GET PERMISSION FOR A NON COMMERCIAL REPRINT BY CONTACTING MY EMAIL.