FUCK THOSE TREES!!!! BUY MY BOOKS!!
I mean, who doesn't hate trees, what with their getting to be so fucking tall and living to be a thousand, not to mention that they get to have squirrels live in them. How could we not be resentful of these sneering behemoths?
YOU KNOW THEY DESPISE US. Their name for us roughly translates to 'the ones who are so stupid that the damned squirrels won't even live in them and they are fucking nuts.' I know people like to say, the tree huggers at least, that this is partially because they see our lives like we would view a movie being played like five speeds faster than normal, which makes us look all slapstickish -- not that this is any excuse for their smug elitism...
They are a drag on the entire ecosystem, these bastards. And don't even get me started on how they take the whole winter off!! I wish all to hell that I could take the winter off and just sleep, but no..... Those lazy fucking plants!!
Help me kill them!
Buy my book, and get a free 100% tree bark T shirt reading: 'OH, FUCK THE RAINFOREST.' *
* T-SHIRTS subject to availability and I HAVE none IN STOCK and never will.