TAKE A FUCKING BATH!!!!
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by jsr
12/05/06
21:09
The stench of this city often leads to blood baths, okay? This has gotten much worse since I quit smoking a few months ago. It was okay during the winter, when the frozen puddles of urine around the el train provided merely a fun way to slide down the sidewalk for a few feet, but then the air warms and the microbes start breeding and then flying off into the air and lodging in my nostrils... like tiny fart bombs exploding in my nose.
The dog has to go out the alleyway entrance, too... leading to our passing various dumpsters, which thrills her bouncy little ass all to hell and makes me feel like killing before we even get around the usual assholes I have to snuff to have a peaceful walk in this neighborhood.
So today I had to go to the doctor. . . One starts at UIC by going to register, where you make your co-payment before they see you. . . this involves a wait. I walk into this room filled with fat mommas staring blankly off as their kids run around the room screaming, a couple old people looking slightly terrified, and a SMELL . . . BO. The worst. You smell bo from every fucking portion of a persons body and smelling the grunge from between the large flaps of fat on these cows who were in there with me was just TOO FUCKING MUCH!!!
I tried to be nice, though, since I need to get to see the doctor to get the drugs that help keep me stay crazy enough to keep up to the high standards of serial and spree killing that have become synonomous with the name of Pain. So first I just said, "One of you cows stinks so fucking bad that I am going to piss on you, which will be a fucking improvement!!!"
They all just looked at me for a blank second, then went back to whatever the hell they were doing before I stood up and started screaming. This just made me madder so I grabbed the first kid I saw and snapped his neck. The loud cracking of his neck brought silence to the room. "I did that," I told them, "so his spincter would release, because even shit smells better than you fucking wenches!!!"
I didn't really give them time to say much else or react, just threw the kid at the nearest window (he bounced off -- damn the safety glass in skyscrapers!!), pulled the uzis out and started mowing them down.... satisfying screams were hardly enough for me to spend anymore time in that room, though...
I saved one guy alive, handed him an empty uzi, then shot him in the head.
The campus cops showed up about then. I pointed at the black guy that had the uzi still clutched in his hand and told them, "Murder suicide. A sad tale. I just missed seeing it. Have a good day officers."
So, kids, take this as a freindly reminder that proper hygeine is very important!!!!
copywrite 2006 john scott ridgway
Thursday, May 18, 2006
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