I ALSO WRITE ON EBLOGGY A LOT

I usually write everything in my other blog and then transfer the better stuff here. I forget to do this sometimes... but generally I am careful to back everything up... I have not been able to get into that blog today, which is irritatingbecause massah jack off your son is back in the news, and I plan on ripping on him in my show tommorrow. This is going to be my first show in almost a year. The response I am getting is really great. A lot of people are coming, and they are the cool ones... we will definatly come back here afterwards and exchange herbal remedies. I of course have a bit of anxiety about it, but I am also excited.

I was one of those people who kind of liked taking tests in college, because I got keyed up -- they say elevated anxiety,but not too elevated, is the best state of mind to take a test in; luckily that came naturally to me. I have a lot serial killer stuff that I am going to read tommorrow. None of this shit has been read in public and some of it is harsh... picture it as American Psycho meets the Three Stooges in a John Waters movie, and you kind of have what I am going to be reading.

Had a hell of a week on a personal note. My spine, which is all screwed up and needs surgery after surgery just to maintain -- 24/7 pain with no hope of it ever stopping/ drives me into all sorts of crises, but mostly I just stay on the medication they give me and I am fine. Well, they sent my pills to the wrong address, and I ran out... first I just cut myself way down... luckily, I had some valium that I used to take, but I was still curled up on the couch unable to do anything because of the pain. Such a drama this was. After dozens of phone calls and what not, my buddy had to drive me all the way down south to 1`59th and cicero; lucky he knew the area, because I was just plain out lost. They gave me the pills and I swallowed enough to make the pain go away... Jessie rolled a joint as we drove home from the hostpital. I had a few more pills by the time, which I was forced to get at an emergency ward because these are not drugs you just stop taking... so after taking a few more, the ride home became nicer and nicer... Jessie put in Star Wars and we listened to the rising and falling crescendos and just in general grooved on the music.

The day I ran out of the pills and had to just lay in bed all day -- actually this went on for two days, drove me nuts. I could deal with the pain, as long as I didn't do anything to make it worse. And almost anything causes me pain, because my veterbrae are smashed down to about half the normal size on either side of the fused bones. I flirted with the thought of suicide, but I like being alive sometimes and I just plain out would not hurt the people I love that way... but still, sometimes I think, as the pain gets worse and worse (as it is diagnosed to do, because what they do is wait until the last possible moment to fuse the vertebras because I lose movement everytime, so I basically have to suffer through it breaking into shards that hit my nerves until I can no longer bear it). Does this health stuff bore the hell out of you?

Listen, I know I could have it a lot worse. The chronic pain has given me a disability that allows me to write fiction full time, and oil paint. This is what I wanted all those years I sold shit, drove cab, cooked, went to school... I got it like some bargain with the devil where I traded my spine to be a writer.

My new shows start Friday... I can't wait. We are going to party well. Hope you can come...


I went to the hospital, because I had to go to an emergency ward

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