THE LAOTIAN TERD MOUSE

Of course we all remember this little nursery rhyme from when we were children:

"Mother says that if you're bad,
a Laotian Terd Mouse will eat your nads,

and while I never thought this was true
I was bad once and now I am blue."


For some reason I found myself humming this thing this morning and now cannot get it out of my head. I've tried squirting battery acid in my ear with a turkey baster, which seemed to be working until the baster melted. I don't know what else to do, beyond maybe breaking into the neighbors apartment and stealing some of her panties to wear???

I have been practically bowled over by questions about the elusive Laotian Terd Mouse. This is natural, since I am one of the few Big Game Hunters who have tried to kill and mount a Laotian Terd Mouse. By mount, I mean on a plaque on the wall, but of course as in the traditional Laotian Terd Mouse Hunt, I will also employ other uses of 'mounting' after a successful kill.

My detractors are already claiming that I am making up the Laotian Terd Mouse, like M., who won't listen anymore when I tell her all the shit these Laotian Terd Mice are pulling around the apt. -- and you can just guess who got the shit when M. found their stack of vegetable related pornography.


You must be wondering how they could be so all powerful to get through the defenses here in the Elf's Attic? I mean, we have a cat and a husky who will eat any rodent they can, with a special emphasis on my military hamster endeavors, unfortunatly for all good people of this earth... but none-the-less, they cannot seem to keep these Laotian Terd Mice out of the apartment.

You got to be pretty tough to deal with these Mice. I am not sure that I am up to it.... if only the Hamster Army was back up to snuff after that week when I decided to save money on pet food.... I can only hope, for the sake of this whole damned world, that I can fight them off before their nefarious Laotian Terd Mouse Conspiracy can enslave us all in god-riddled cheese factories. I've heard that they are already hiring hollywood stars to get recruits for the cults that they'll use to vote their way to the top of the world's democracies... it's enough to drive good men out into the fields with their guns....
copywrite 2006 john scott ridgway