TEA PARTY DARLING SARAH PALIN COMES OUT AGAINST TERRORIST PENGUINS!!
Penguins all over the world are spinning in circles so fast that they appear like black and white blurs as they scream again and again, "Oh, the shits with you!' Visitors to zoos across the world responded differently to the odd behavior on the part of the notoriously unruly aquatic waterfowl.
At New York zoo, the cursing penguins were pelted with empty cans of coke and admonished to "put up some amusing antics, or get the hell out." Surprisingly enough, the normally unarmed penguins returned fire with doubled barreled shotguns, taking out large swathes of the crowds gathered in front of their stage, and making for a few tense moments with a swat team before the police force surrendered to the penguins and joined them in their cages spinning around in circles screaming, "Oh, the shits wit ya!!"
When Sarah Palin heard about the mass exodus of new York's finest to the penguins, she told white reporters, "You know what we have here? We have an animal terrorist event!!! You know, chickens, for some reason, all had it out for my family. Fuck em, and all the birds. We don't need em, not if they're terrorists. And they are -- terrorist animals!!! I won't have this, not on my watch!!!"
The increasingly unstable Sarah Pain who aides and pundits alike are calling, "Maybe too full of herself," is said to now be traveling with three nuclear bombs in her briefcase, in case, 'God tells me to blow stuff up and kill everybody." The ex-cheerleader is canvassing the senate and congress today trying to drum up support for her plan to, quote, " . . . take out all the other animals, once and fucking for all. "
Speaking to a shocked group of parents and students at the unveiling of a new wing of Children's Library devoted to the presidents, Palin told a crowd of quickly crying children, "I've been thinking about getting bit by this squirrel when I was a kid, or at least I'm thinking about it now. Who the hell can tell? And this bird... that fucking bird that messed up the grill on one of the very first cars dad bought me. Well, I wrote in a paper for some damn class about how men had been at war with wild animals since leaving Eden . . . maybe it was a sermon I heard somewhere, a readers digest or some damn thing . . . ."
Still no comment from the penguins. .