lost in cyber space

Wow... I am an idiot. This I learn way too often. I suck so bad.... This week, I am learning just how ignorant I have been of what this computer could do for me. Everyone told me about downloading movies and music, but until this weekend, this whole dimension of cyber space was something that I figured was for professional hackers' who spent every second of thier pasty little lives on line. THen out of the blue, an old friend who I have occasionally had the pleasure to run into over the years, who we'll call J. Red (at least until I forget this name and stonishly make uyp a new one), brought me a computer over the weekend. He made a 250 mile drive to do this, and spent a good twenty hours of his precious life putting software in and tweaking the dvd/cd burner and all sorts of other goodies... laws were broken big time. There is nothing like a good pseudo criminal when you need one.

Now I am gathering all these movies and tv shows that I never would have seen, watching them and burning them to dvd's. Half the fun is telling my buddies what I have and hearing them ask me if I can make them copies. You know, the power gets me off and all. I make them wait, squirm for those movies... wait, no I don't, that was just some porn I saw once. By the way, isn't it hilarious when Homer mistakes his past for things that happened on tv? This idea is fertile, by the way.. should any of you writers out there need some little game to get the juices flowing one day...

So, back to the thesis statement, which is, MY NEW COMPUTER has put me about ten years further into the new technologies available than I was just one sad, gray week before. I was like a christian who has never seen a word path out of that mind swamp.

This has become obsessive. Well, to hear M. tell it. She walked into the computer room last night with a spatula, threatening to peel me off the keyboards... I ignored her, best I could, since I was way too far into the animated Clone Wars, making my way through both seasons and episodes 21 through 25. A few minutes later she appeared in the door way with her red riding crop. I don't like extreme pain or have a freaky desire to be spanked or anything -- she uses that damn crop to get me to do shit. So she smacked me in the ear. As hard as she can, and it hurt (by the way, she will deny this if you ask, just like she does her Bin Lad connections).

I stayed off the computer that time until she had gone to bed. I have been staying up all night and then sleeping during the day, because the screen looks better at night, without all that fucking sun reflecting through the windows. I guess the dishes are starting to pile up around me. I would probably have a jar full of piss testifying to my inablity to even leave the computer for a piss of seconds, but I don't do that anymore since M. toldme she would dump any such piss jars on my hjead. I would probably have gained weight if I could reach the refrigerator from my desk. As it is, I am losing again.

Not that I can't just leave this thing... I would right now, if I wanted to. Really. Oh, by the way, I am trying to get ahold of the directors' cut of blade runner, but don't tell the feds....

DISCLAIMER: I would not now or ever do anything criminal like download music. I am a work droid who has sympathy for rich rockstars who need a ninety seventh car to feel whole. I am not a socialist who believes that the proliferaioin of all art forms caused by the net makes for great audiences... not to mention the freedom of expressing oneself without having all the censors (both of taste and genre pigeon holing and all the other little ways the print publishing world practically dictates that people only get the worst, most pandering books possible.. a lot of the time, at least). Steal from me and you will be cursed in such a way that your hands turn into worthless, jelly fish like appendages that sting your intimates. Or sued or something bad like that...