On days when I have nothing to say and probably should just do something else, I am going to start, for the sake of checking in here everyday without making a complete and utter fool of myself, pointing out ASSHOLES OF THE DAY. The lesser evils will be HEMROIDS, of course.
To begin this possibly going to be followed tradition... I offer you a man who kept 11 big cats and a bear caged in his house because he could, legally.... in this world where up is down and creationism is on the rise, the Big cats, a lion and a tiger, will be put to sleep for acting like huge, predatorial beasts at the top of their food chain. The ASSHOLE WILL GET TO LIVE ON, AND KEEP HIS OTHER ANIMALS... until the inevitable lawsuit makes himsell everything he has. Hopefully, now that the san franciso media, which is very cool, is in on the schazmeel, they will make sure the owner does right by the rest of his animals.
A special plea to all you true psychos. You guys who are just going to kill anyways? You know who you are....
Well, if you are just going to kill anyways,m then why not choose a guy like this? I'm just saying, your parents would be a hell of a lot prouder of that then taking out that kindergarten down the street. Think, you, think.... you know I am right. So, if you can just wait to kill next until you track this guy down, do please stake him out (use those metal tent stakes -- easy to get, and hard to trace (which I don't have to tell you is a big part of your continued success)). Put them stakes in both his spread hands and . .. you guessed it... both feet. See, you didn't need those special classes? Then all you have to do is rig a rope to open the cages for the tigers and lions and bear, and let them feast of his sick, sick mind and body... and no, I don't mean they get to eat everything -- take your trophies first though. Afterwards, you reall y should blow your brains out. You know its past that time... and blowing out those silly brains of yours will make your story more interesting to the press... and get your parents and ex freinds book deals and stuff. You know, you haven't exactly been the best kid, so this will make your funeral sure to be attended by at least someone. (and don't think you can come over here for me to videotape the spectacle for a live feed... no, not in my house anymore... those fucking blood stains on the ceiling really look like shit and I am just too lazy to clean them off... oh, I hold the cat up so he can lick at them but the stain needs more... so much more than I can give right now).
REMEMBER --- Don't forget to blow your brains out afterwards!!!!!!!! And if you should have somehow made a kid... someone you raped who was too religious to abort your demon seed, you really have to take them out before you go. They are still innocent now, so killing them will assure them a place in heaven. Now, you are going to hell, but you would not have if you had died young... like your kids will... unless you decide to neglect your role as a father and allow them to live... I mean, if they are girls, you know they are just going to be whores, like those prostitues you had to kill (hey, who am I to argue with the voices in your head?). Boys will get raped in prison, like you used to.
In those vital days leading up to the final murder of this asshole and then splaying your own head with lead, you should probably just ride a meth and whisky high off into the sunset on that big old horizon...
Boy, 10, Critical After Tiger, Lion Attack
A 10-year-old boy was attacked and critically injured by a tiger and a lion that were among a dozen large animals kept by a businessman, authorities said.
Russell Wowsie was injured Wednesday when he and his father visited Chuckles the Smooze, who authorities say is the owner of 11 large cats and a bear. The boy was in critical condition Thursday at the Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis.
Chuckles the Smooze opened the door of a cage and a tiger pushed its way out to attack the boy. When the owner was pulling off the tiger, a lion attacked. Smooze, the owner of Best Buy Butt Plugs, did not immediately return telephone calls to his home and office Thursday. He has registered 12 animals with the state ? 11 large cats and one bear. The sheriff Wetwilly said he thought Chuckles kept the animals as "a novelty."
"I don't think anyone should have them," Wetwilly, said. "Just because you're legal doesn't mean you're safe."