GILFORD TUTTLE, WHITE MALE CHRISTIAN WARRIOR BRINGS YOU THE DIVINE DOUCHE OF JESUS JUICE
Gilford Tuttle, White Male Christian Warrior Prophet And Keeper Of All Keys To The Holy Kingdom Of The Blonde Buff One, Jock Jesus, continuing my mission to save souls in cyber space and provide quality, blessed products 100% Guaranteed To Bring redemption, or a slight repreive from damnation (depending on how far gone you are already, or if you were cursed to be satan's children on earth, like the blacks and the chinese and jews and other known never-gonna-be-white-enough-to-work-out-in-the-same-gym as the Short haired blonde buff Jock Jesus). We are talking the Divine Douch Of Jesus Juice, which when sluiced through your diseased genitlia by the gallons, can make your woman smell tolerable even to the Blonde Buff One.
Today's product is needed by most harlots in America, this Satan ladden land. And by harlot, I mean all women folk over the age of seven who have not been blessed by being born into the specific type of family that our lord demands to bestow his blessings -- the Tuttle Family to be precise.
This product came to my wife, Geraldine, who is a Sunday School teacher from way back, and has read the bible 49 times and counting, so you know she knows her stuff. I mean, like I tell the kids, if all you know is the bible, then everything you know is true, so how can you go wrong? My wife was told this by her father, the often misunderstood prophet Vernon Vernon Vernon Eugene, who used to hang out, often in a pink tuti, downtown by the bus station and preach about the dangers of harlots... well, actually he just pointed at all the women going by and screamed at the top of his lungs -- HARLOT... Though few knew this at the time, God had a plan for that man -- to deliver unto me a wife worthy of I, Gilford Tuttle, who was recognized as a toungue speaker at the tender age of three months by the greatest prophet West Virginia ever saw -- Crabby Smelting Eugene Milton, who preached at the The Second Church Of His Bleeding Toes.
Geraldine Douches every two hours, or more.... She always has our two year old bless it so the water is Holier than anything that Pope ever waved his wicked wizard wand over. That woman is like the Virgin Mary, I tell you . We prayed together our first night. Sat up thinking about holding hands until almost 10 pm. Wow. Others may one day be blessed with a love like ours, but there is nothing I have seen in this world to compare to it, that is for sure. This is our burden, I told Geraldine the other night, we have to be the first to go back into Eden. This set her off crying, as it always does when that Damn Eve's first sin is brought up. Geraldine just feels so bad about that, and well she should I suppose.
I imagine there will be many, many books written in heaven about us (there will be no time here, because the signs of the apocolypse are many and it is near, so near). Geraldine was raised in the best manner a person has ever been, as our children are now -- home schooled. She can proudly state that she indeed has never read any other book than the bible, which is working just fine for our kids, by the way, too -- in fact, they are turning out perfect... except for that one genital touching incident with the prophet Ezekial, when he was three months (we tied his hands up good after that, and I am proud to say, after all these years of the family praying for him to forgiven for that dark afternoon, he will now not even touch his penis, like all good men).
If someone gave me a choice between buying A few gallons of Divine Juice Of Jesus Douch and going to Hell, I know what I would do.... and I am perfect. You are not. Who do you think you should listen to? If you are thinking not I Gilford Tuttle, then Satan has control of your mind. Send me just 59.99, or best offer.
Now is the time to wake up you sinners and Douche Satan Out Before It Is Too Late!!!!
Gilford Tuttle, White Male Christian Warror, Holy Prophet Of The Blonde Buff One And True God, and salesmen of many quality, eternal life enhanching products.
copywrite 2006 john scott ridgway