The dilemma is this, okay,? I've written a bunch of smarmy little essay's and various little comedic shit mounds, so now, I am trying to figure out how can I milk this pile of words for a few bucks? You know, sell out? I am looking around for those proverbial teats that I have being hearing about since I was a kid, though now that I am finally ready to indeed sell out, they are nowhere to be found!!! Damn them to the seventh circle!!
I mean, getting paid for your work is nothing bad, though getting too much or too little might really, really suck... but I ain't talking about a manision on the hill here, or fancy habit trails, no, just a fucking three bedroom apartment where I can let my mother in law live out her dying days with her daughter... and, perhaps, fund a small fighting force of hamsters, merely to protect the old chubby wrinkle rot... I mean, the old dear.
I am not asking you to send me a lot money, just live hamsters.
Spend a couple joints and send these murderous rodents express, okay? For dog's sake, they are little use to me dead... Yes, as M. almost uncannily predicted, all attempts at reanimation on that one I wrote about last week, the hamster that I found in the neighbor's garbage bin, have all failed.... so, if you read my plea last week, when I was sure that I would be able to reanimate the hamster, just stop even thinking about sending me those dead ones that I requested, okay? If indeed, any of you lazy stoners did.
Oh, yea... I will sell these hamsters to fund a better life style for all the elderly, including my mother in law, who I was only joking about in here when I called her an 'elephantine hodge podge of molecules taking up otherwise valuable space.' And no, M. is not making me say this one... this one is from the heart. Really.
Send those hamsters, and for dog's sake do it soon -- if we can't afford a three bedroom before that oldster wants to move in with us, I will kick her ass out on the street.... well, no, no, I won't. My heart is too big for that. How about yours?
Is the old lady worth a hamster or two? I have my doubts, but I will let your kindness be my guide....
NOW, SEND ME SOME FUCKING HAMSTERS!!!! And, umm, thank you, in advance, for being there for the elderly, by sending one lousy hamster (or more). This kind act will make you suck significantly less in my eyes, though I doubt this will in anyway stop the neighborhood kids from hitting you with sticks.
Have a day where you are tortured by the thought of all the people who need to be killed just when you have been effectively neutralized by the loss of your army to traitorous pets who once seemed like your very best friends.... and decide that the only way you will ever be safe in this fucking bloody ass punji stick pit of a jungle, is to be protected by hamsters with training, discipline, and courage.... .. which indeed seems pitiful, unless you have hundreds, in which case --- ass can be kicked!!!